I’ll meditate when I’m dead

Yep. Heard myself saying this to my husband the other morning.

He’s the consistent meditator in our house these days. Which annoys me.. It wasn’t always like that.

I’m the one that started the train of intention a few years ago. Yep, change takes time, a long time for some of us.

Mindfulness, and meditation specifically, as a tool to practice mindfulness, is very trendy these days.. we read about it everywhere. It’s all around me in the communities I’m part of. I’m a sobriety seeking, yogi living in San Francisco, so yes, I aspire to care. And I do, most of the time. That still can’t bring me to practice on a regular basis.

I have a bit of a process with things..

1. I learn it exists
2. I think about whether or not I’m interested
3. I read about it
4. Tell people I’m reading about it
5. Tell people I’m gonna do it
6. Think about doing it
7. Read more about it
8. Tell people, again, I’m gonna do it
9. Time map it into my schedule
10. Try it
11. Resist it
12. Repeat process..

In the midst of this process, while I was maybe around step 8, my husband read one article about meditation in Men’s Health, and has woken up and sat for 10-20 minutes, consistently, just about every day since then. I hate this about him. I mean, I love it, I admire it, but it makes me feel like a damn failure.

I want it so bad, I’ve invested so much time into the process, yet I continue to resist. And maybe that’s just where I’m at. Story to be continued..




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